Brotherhood, union and correspondence between brothers, are the bases with which men’s fraternities have been built throughout history. For many, this idea can transport them to the Middle Ages, with the stereotype of bearded men who raise their beer mug while celebrating the victory of some battle.
Others might think of that chapter of the Simpsons in which Homer joins the “Lodge of the Magicians” made up of most of the men of Springfield, who wear robes and carry out an initiation ritual accepting the rules of the brotherhood.
But in reality it is something a little more serious. The fraternities or lodges have been created from Freemasonry, which the Royal Academy of Language (RAE) defines as a discreet international organization, moved by the feeling of fraternity that seeks the improvement of man in society through the development morality and the cultivation of numerous disciplines such as the sciences and the arts.
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This is how different organizations emerge around the world made up of men who are better known in the universities of the United States and who, contrary to what many people think, are not dedicated to partying or disorder, but to pursuing high human values and contributing to altruistic and philanthropic causes.
Among the most important are Sigma Alpha Epsilon, Kappa Sigma, Lamda Chi Alpha and Phi Delta Theta, the latter located at Miami University-Oxford, in the state of Ohio, to which important personalities such as the actor Burt Reynolds and the first astronaut to walk on the moon, Neil Armstrong.
Fraternities in Mexico
In our country, during the time of the Revolution, these groups were made up of intellectuals, artists or members of politics, who discussed different issues of the time.
Currently many of these organizations are created for religious purposes, and there are few that allow the integration of groups of men with different objectives where coexistence, dialogue and openness to personal issues are generated, where conflicts that affect, physically and emotionally the life of each member, who do not dare to tell anyone.
Under these precepts, the “Circle of Men in Search of Excellence” emerged, which through social networks has become a meeting point for men of any age, regardless of their sexual identity, who need to express needs and concerns to others. members of the same gender.
“El Circulo arose from the fact that I took up the idea of a friend who invited me to participate in person in a group where the dynamic was to develop the emotional and spiritual part without touching religion at any time. The interaction with the companions was very close, there was a lot of support, a fraternal environment where you could feel the necessary support from the companions.
“It was a private environment where you freely expressed what was bothering you and how you felt. In those meetings there was not much guidance and we faced the issue of masculinity and healing, and we vaguely touched on issues such as childhood wounds, that trace of abandonment that came from your mother or father, among other important issues. ”, says Miguel Villegas, creator of the Círculo de Hombres.
Villegas is not a specialist in psychology or psychiatry, nor does he inculcate any religion, because in reality he is dedicated to marketing and sales. He simply defines himself as a counselor. He did, however, have a master’s degree in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and emotional intelligence.
“Many men are disconnected from spirituality and I am not talking about religion. It seems that this is out of his conception and that it is not for men, as well as many other practices, which is why I found it very interesting and something that had to be further developed. Until now, I have not seen another circle of men in Mexico, only pages or websites, but in reality I have not been able to contact someone, so I decided to continue with this practice.
Previously, the meetings were held in person, and since the pandemic they are held through Google Meet. He says that the only requirements to enter the group are: “Being a man, regardless of age, since young people and adolescents need this type of option more than ever, since there is a very strong loss of identity in them today.
“In addition, we have basic rules such as total privacy, everything that is shared stays here, we cannot say names, respect is very important, if a colleague says something we cannot criticize, mock, or point anything out. Another is not to take anything personally and not to support violence of any kind, or mistreatment, or machismo”, he explains.
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Miguel says that each session is carried out through two modalities:
“We talk about a topic based on our own experiences, our opinion or simply as a point of view; and the second, we do it freely, talk about what you want because the day may come when we are in a meeting and maybe you have had a downturn or some conflict and the topic of the day does not lend itself to what you are living in that moment, and what you are looking for is to let off steam, then you begin to withdraw or leave the group little by little”.
Men from other Latin American countries such as Venezuela, Chile, Colombia and Peru have joined the Circle.
“Interaction has grown, all with the aim that we have a space where we can talk in private that is not a bar, a party or a gathering of friends where we have to talk about superficial things, but about deeper things, things of which I have not been able to talk to anyone for fear of being judged, ridiculed or rejected, it is very difficult for men to open up for fear of this”.
Some of the problems
“We discovered that many men were marked by their father’s relationship tremendously, one became a psychologist just to know how to treat all those emotional wounds that he had because of his father’s relationship; another said that he became a magistrate specifically because his father abandoned him and when the law required him (the father) to pay his children’s support, he replied that he could only pay 30 dollars a month, this for a family of five people, so he decides do something so that no one else goes through the same situation.”
The lives of many men have been marked or directed by this type of wounds or relationships from the past, “I am one of them, I did not have my father and this did not give me security, it did not give me confidence, it made me a man very introverted, I had a hard time relating to women and other men because I was very afraid.
“This type of thing is what we are trying to free, to extract, it takes a lot of work because the gentlemen do not open up because of the stereotypes and all the things that were marking us because of the grandmother, the grandfather, the father, the uncle, the cousin, someone at some point told you that men don’t do this, men have to do it in a certain way, for a man there is no room for this, a man has to put up with it, that’s why we have created a culture where men do not feel comfortable and that is where the origin of machismo comes from.”
“Sexual abuse by relatives is what has strongly marked the lives of some. Someone altered their perception of sexuality, simply because of a sexual abuse of which they were victims. But getting rid of this will help you be better parents, better children, better friends, better husbands. If you can increase and raise your awareness of your masculinity a little bit, then you can be a better person with all the people around you, ”she concludes.
The next meeting will be next Thursday, August 25 at 7:00 p.m., and the creator of the group can be contacted through Instagram @Cdhexcelencia.