Turin-Juve 0-1: the best and worst of the derby won last night by the bianconeri.
SZCZSCNY 6.5 – On a cool evening like this, he regrets not having Yashin’s vice: he remains stuck in the door, with only 3 books of Tex, without a flask of vodka to warm up.
CUADRADO 5.5 – It looks like a glass of Biancosarti, left on the bar by the previous customer: strength and delicacy, but both at the wrong time.
DANILO 6 – Precise and careful; dreams of the Dune that John Elkann promised to all the players in the event of Champions League qualification, but he must have confused it with the moon, or with a brunette, or with a rune in a lagoon …
BREMER 6.5 – Stay in the center of the area, in stubborn and opposite directions. Since he still needs a lot of experience, the coach trains him with the famous piece of stale bread, which must be softened with several hectoliters of saliva and patience.
BONUCCI 6 – Enter stool format: both in attack and in defense.
ALEX SANDRO 6.5 – Gritty, he slides, and runs like he hasn’t been seen for a long time. Allegri seems to have lent him the 79 videotapes of: how to teach trot and gallop to your foal.
MCKENNIE 5 – It hides in the depths of the grass not even it was Diabolik; how he hides himself is a mystery that not even Cherubini can solve, when between the first and the second half, he inspects the field in search of a secret passage.
RABIOT 5 – He is looking for the difficult balance between his (remarkable) physicality and non-existent spirituality. Despite the fact that he had attended a meditation course at Arrivabene this week, he remains suspended: is football life or is it just an appearance?
LOCATELLI 5.5 – Ettore was defeated by Achille, who was killed by Paris, killed in turn by Philoctetes, put under contract by Cherubini, as a Methodist midfielder, ignoring that he had been killed by the Ausoni Pelleni.
KOSTIC 6 – The bench, with Pinsoglio as a soloist, sings to him: 1 in 1000 makes it; referring to his crosses that since he arrived have stunned, injured and killed as many as 71 pigeons in Turin; unfortunately the travel data are missing.
VLAHOVIC 6.5 – He is furious. Every Saturday at six he has a study group on pasta with cheese and pepper; Luckily, Pavel Nedved paid for his membership from his own pocket.
KEAN 5 – Excellent when he is part of the Macarena national team, good when he plays tresette, more than enough in Cirié’s bridge team, one cannot understand why he continues to play football.
MILIK SV – Observe others and shout something to the opponents.
ALLEGRI 5.5 – Max saw the movie with Liz Taylor: the Grand Prix. And he imagines his team instead of the horse fighting, until the end, and wins by a few millimeters. And he, an unreachable jockey, faints, like the young heroine of the film, in the moment of victory from exhaustion. Then Landucci shakes him and inserts Paredes: was he not supposed to be the player of providence?
COMING 4 – Every time he speaks he turns into a reverse Nostradamus or Fassino; and he gets lost. He does not quit because he is passionate about experimental theater and excels in macrobiotic cuisine.
TENET IN THE DARK – And in the end, the grenade fan can give vent to his resentment: but if not even with this Juve that has the fragility of papier-mâché it is possible to win, when will he have to win a derby?
Last night there #Juventus won almost twice as many tackles as the #Turin. Almost triple if you only count the aerial duels. Given that it came from a flat EEG, that’s a good place to start. There is now a lot to improve tactically and technically
– Mirko Nicolino (@mirkonicolino) October 16, 2022