One

The love vocabulary grows richer day by day. This is not to displease us. Lithromantism is one of the last terms to appear. To be lithromantic refers to the fact of having a one-sided love relationship. They are people who love each other without considering the status of a couple. They find their fulfillment in this type of love patterns.

What is the litromantism ?

Before going any further, you should know that the litromantism is a romantic orientation also called akoromanticism. It does not imply at any time the sexual life of the person who lives it. It concerns individuals who are looking for a one-sided romantic love. This orientation could be perceived as love masochism by some. For good reason, sentimental relationships as we know them are based overwhelmingly on reciprocity.

Individuals who embrace this loving practice are the only ones who find fulfillment in concealing their feelings. A behavior very present in people “sensitive to art or spirituality, often disconnected from reality”, explains Véronique Kohnpsychotherapist and relationship specialist.

In fact the person falls in love with someone to whom she will never confess her feelings. She delights in the dramatic aspect of the situation and does not hesitate to nurture her love by observing from a distance. There are two types of lithromantics : the positives and the so-called negatives. The first refuse the relationship, but can accept reciprocity, while the second refuse to have their feelings shared.

the litromantism : a way to love without exposing yourself to disappointment

Love, especially if it is not reciprocated, can be a source of heartache and therefore suffering. One-sided love is, perhaps, for lithromantic a way to protect yourself from potential heartache. “The fact of keeping romance in the state of fantasy makes it possible to sublimate the state of love and to preserve oneself from love disappointment » explains the psychologist.

Maintaining the amorous projections that one makes of someone protects against reality. Confess your feelings to her, get to know her and s‘to notice that she or he is not as funny or smart that what we had imagined could destabilize. the litromantism is therefore based on a great idealization which can also create frustration and therefore suffering.

“Staying on an ideal prevents reaching out to others, it makes any relationship impossible. It’s very good as long as everyone finds their account and that it does not generate sadness, ”explains Sophie Durant, specialist in couple therapy.

What are the limits of litromantism ?

Not all love patterns are based on a need to couple to start a family “. Starting from this postulate, we can understand that some lithromantic can flourish in this form of relationship. But some of them are most likely overdue. “If there is pain, it is because there is a fear of commitment and attachment, then you have to consult”, recommends Sophie Durand.

What about physical relationships? ” If the lithromantics are completely in tune with their orientation, they do not feel any physical lack,” says the psychologist. But they are not all asexual. Some of them may of course have sexual desire and intercourse. It just won’t be with the fantasized person.

This amorous orientation can also cause some collateral damage. There is a good chance that one or lithromantic loses interest in a person if the latter admits to loving him in return. We can certainly speak of a fear of commitment. “There is anyway a fear of being deprived of experiences or freedom, as well as a refusal of unpleasant things and responsibilities. But are not not choices, just configurations in people who have a particular experience” indicates the specialist.

We will have understood it, if the litromantism can really be a love orientation, it is also not uncommon for it to simply be a fear of committing to a relationship. “Some people have not been used to being loved during their childhood, for example, they can then develop this type of behavior as an adult”, adds Sophie Durand. If you are safe to have no personal barriers to resolve by consulting a therapist, here are three criteria that could help you at know if you are lithromantic.

• You prefer love stories fantasized to concrete real love stories.
• You thrive particularly in the seduction phase. You want it to last forever.
• You idealize the person you think you love until the first contact. And if she shows interest: you run away.