Pink writes The list, his battle with drugs and depression in Kerosene (Ipanema editions). In September 2021, it is her fight against the disease that she delivers in The Rose Mountains (to editions Eyrolles). A year later, Rose is healed and doing well. She’s better, even. In her latest book, she lists her fears and doubts. Of its ups and downs. Her breast removal, her sudden artificial menopause. The fall of morality, joy, libido… An unvarnished story, tinged with spirituality and self-discovery, towards healing and serenity. Today, Rose is 44 years old and describes herself as “A warrior” who won the toughest fight of his life.
Gala.fr: How are you?
Pink : It’s going incredibly well, surprisingly well compared to what I’ve been through. When I re-read my book, I thought it was miraculous. It was impossible to imagine that everything that is happening to me today could happen exactly one year after my breast cancer. I started hormone therapy at the beginning of August 2021 and by September, I no longer saw the point in anything. I was coming out of the Covid and a tour cancellation, I had no plans. I was in immobility, the more the disease, the more the side effects… The losing combo what (laughs).
Gala.fr: This book, The pink montages, it was your diary during illness. It could have remained intimate, what prompted you to publish it?
Pink : I wrote it while I was getting treatment and at the time of the end point, I don’t know what came over me, I sent it to three editors via Instagram. For the moment and unfortunately, I don’t know how to invent a story, I would have liked to write novels because it’s cool to be able to write when nothing happens to us (laughs). With cancer and therapy, I realized that I had lacked attention and understanding when I was younger. Already at school, I felt misunderstood because I was nostalgic. I needed to tell the world I was in pain, that’s how I wrote The list. And today, this book is another truth. If I live so many things, it’s because I have to learn things. When I have learned things, I have to pass them on.
Gala.fr: Throughout the pages, we accompany you in your fight against breast cancer, even when you are sick you are hard on yourself…
Pink : This diary is therapeutic, it helped me to make peace with myself. Reading it, I thought to myself: “But it’s not possible to treat yourself like that! It’s not possible to have such a negative view of yourself”. That’s why this book isn’t just about women with cancer. He talks about life’s trials, ups and downs. It allowed me to understand two things. The first is the permanence of things, everything changes and you have to adapt. It’s not our fault, it’s life that’s like that, the seasons change, the cells are renewed… And we, they blame us when we’re bad. And the second thing is guilt, to which I give the gold medal of useless feeling. It’s double trouble: we’re going through something hard and on top of that we hit each other. It’s useless.
Gala.fr: You were very surrounded and supported by your loved ones. This book is also a beautiful declaration of love to your companion R., your family and your son Solal…
Pink : Completely ! I didn’t realize it at all. In a diary, there are intimate people, my sister, my parents, R., I was criticized for talking too much about him (laughs)… I felt lucky, I never said that I was unlucky.
Gala.fr: How did your son experience this whole journey?
Pink : Solal’s dad, from whom I separated, is a great dad. And when it wasn’t right, he took it a lot. My son knew me in states… I explained to him that I am like that. There, I’m doing very well there, but if it comes back, it comes back. I want to teach him not to give up. Everything changes.
That’s how I am a fighter, a warrior.
Gala.fr: When we talk about breast cancer, we think of removal, hair loss… You tell the rest: early menopause, lack of libido, weight gain.
Pink : Because I decided not to do chemo, which was really to eradicate the last thing, just in case… While the radiotherapy had removed everything, the cancer was no longer there. The effects of chemo are, for me, far too harmful. Some recover well, but it is on a case-by-case basis. I kept my hair. It was very important, I did not see myself bald. I was just thinking about that. For the weight gain due to hormone therapy, I immediately took control with more yoga, I eat better and I walk two hours a day. For my breast, I had pain, it contracted, the prosthesis went up. I had surgery again on June 22. It has nothing before, it is less beautiful, but compared to what I had, I am delighted. It’s a scar that marks a life experience, like my tattoo which is the date of the day I quit drinking. It is a mark of experience.
When I look at that boob, I see what I’ve been fighting.
Gala.fr: Who says early menopause, perhaps says the end of a form of motherhood. Did we have to mourn a possible second pregnancy?
Pink : I was lucky because I didn’t want another child. I thought I was going through menopause later. It’s very boring, but it’s nothing compared to other diseases.
Gala.fr: Were you afraid of dying?
Pink : No way. I just said to myself: “How am I gonna get out of this shit?” I have never been told about vital prognosis. And above all, I was someone who always wanted to die. It gave me incredible faith that I didn’t have. When it’s not right now, I turn to her.
Gala.fr: This fight against illness is also a personal, almost spiritual journey. You write : “My cancer is there for me to make peace with myself”.
Pink : At the beginning of the book, I say of my cancer: “I feel that this is a test that will enrich me”. I cured many ailments with this cancer. I made peace with my origins which I found. I was brought up in a Jewish family which concealed all the maternal side which was Catholic, Italian. I needed to find this. I discovered that my grandmother experienced trauma absolutely… There are not even words, it’s despicable. You could very well develop cancer on that. I had thought of that at first. I was not looking for a cause, but the origin of the suffering I had within me. I cured my anger. Today, my son does not recognize me because I was very angry. I was angry and mad at myself. I had constructed myself like that because I had not been understood.
With this serious thing that was happening to me, I told myself that people were finally going to understand me.
Gala.fr: In illness you accept almost everything, very quickly.
Pink : I accepted everything as it came. I made billions of medical appointments alone, with my diary in the waiting rooms of the Curie hospital and it is thanks to that that I wrote. I started to fall with hormone therapy which caused me to have no cravings at all. I felt dead, but alive. It had to stop. There is an important sentence for me, it is: “We cannot decently tell people who have saved our lives that we want to die”. So I told my newspaper.
Gala.fr: Have you had any feedback since the book came out?
Pink : It’s only a personal journey, but I’ve had testimonials from women who have read it, from others who have stopped hormone therapy… If this book can be used, not to stop, but rather finding solutions and knowing that it can pass… A year later, I am happier than ever and I am still taking this treatment. So yes, I am menopausal, yes I have joint pain, yes I have a libido problem… but there are plenty of other things that I have gained.
Gala.fr: What did you win?
Pink : I gained serenity, to see the things that have value: life, friends, love. To see that you can’t be depressed because you’ve gained three kilos. I learned to fight even more, because I am a warrior and that was one of the most difficult fights I had to fight. Addiction aside, that’s nothing. I gained spirituality. I understood that life is not about going to work, spending your money… I don’t care about money anymore. It allowed me to launch projects that I had at heart and in particular Counter-addiction podcast. It’s just as important a subject as cancer, because when you’re not doing so well in life, you turn to easy solutions, immediate pleasure, alcohol, drugs, compulsions. I had the feeling of being cured of all that and today I live only with passion.
Gala.fr: You talk about money without taboo: “The profession that fascinated me, I can no longer make a living from it”.
Pink : I worried a lot about the money. As I re-read my book, I said to myself: “No, I have my two arms, I have my two legs, at worst I would go to work somewhere…”. So no, I’m not in a precarious situation because I’m lucky to have a job that can start again at any time and I’m well surrounded, I’ll never be on the street. I thought to myself, what ingratitude to worry about money. When I was up there, I thought I was going to be a star, recognized, make lots of money. Today, I am no longer recognized in the street, I no longer earn any money. I’m relaunching lots of projects, I’m confident. I lived 15 years on my copyrights, on The list. It’s crazy luck. I can not complain. I never did anything I didn’t like for money.
Gala.fr: Drugs, addiction, success, motherhood, cancer, going to Sainte-Anne… Have you been through it all?
Pink : I’ve been through a lot and it’s been great! But if not, what are we here for? To do the same thing every day? I am on earth to experience things and pass on what I learn. Experiences are my only wealth, I am not rich in anything else. I don’t own anything, I’m one of the only artists who doesn’t have a roof over my head that belongs to me, it’s my fault, but I don’t blame myself and that’s fine with me. Possession does not attract me more than that.
Gala.fr: A podcast, a book, an album… Are you back?
Pink : Basically, there shouldn’t be an album, I made a song The pink mountains, whose clip we did together with my manager is coming out today. I saw that I had written a lot of things so I see record companies for the album. I love to make songs for events, births, birthdays… Same, I will start on this project. There, I’m writing a show that will mix music and humor. I have too many desires, I don’t know where to turn.
Gala.fr: Can we say that at 44 you are more serene?
Pink : It’s true that I no longer see things the same way as before. I see myself beautiful, I see myself as I am… How many years ago I said that I didn’t like my voice, today I consider that everyone is unique. I believe that I am passing a milestone that allows me to be happy unconditionally. But every three years something happens to me, so see you in three years (laughs).
Photo credits: Pixeline