The ego is not your enemy, you just have to learn to manage it

Surely you have heard more than once that phrase “So-and-so has a giant ego” or “Menganito can have his ego”. In general we associate the ego with that arroganceThat belief in oneself more than others, that lack of humility… that’s why we don’t even like to see it in others, let alone recognize it in ourselves.

In the actual worldwe refer to the ego when a person manifests an excessive gaze on himselfwhen he loses the notion of the other, when he cultivates pride and manifests self-referential and egocentric behaviors that harm relationships and coexistence with others in any area of ​​your life.

The ego has been studied from different fields, such as psychology, philosophy and spirituality. For psychology, the ego is one of the most complicated constructs to understand. A simple way to explain what the ego is is to think of that mask that we all wear.. Thanks to it we survive in society, therefore, we need it. The problem is that sometimes we deposit an excess of value and pride in this mask with which, deep down, what we are looking for is to protect ourselves.

“I have an ego problem that I need to learn to manage,” a friend told me a few weeks ago. What’s happening to you? “I feel bad when my boss doesn’t recognize me for a job that I think needs congratulations. If he doesn’t tell me anything, I feel horrible because he hasn’t told me anything, yes; but worst of all is that I feel horrible for wanting to have that recognition from others…This is because of my ego, right? What should I do to not have so much ego?

Good question… Yes. That is your ego, which is unfolding or manifesting. However, What is wrong with us liking our work to be appreciated by others? It’s natural and human!

It is one thing to be proud that others recognize your work, especially when you have made an effort and given one hundred percent; Another very different thing is that a person needs that permanent recognition from others (beyond her own) and that her life is a constant search for that recognition because if she doesn’t have it, she feels lost. That need to like is what leads a person to build a character or grand ego.

The question that arises is not whether it is good or bad to have an ego, but where do we build that ego from?that character, that is necessary, that we all have. Without ego we would not be human, we would be something else.

As it explains the psychologist Valeria Sabater in the Article What is the ego? The grandiloquent voice that drowns out humility, “The ego is just another mental construction, an identity that we have built with our internal factory of ideas, experiences, emotions and needs. Behind that self-constructed self, behind that external and artificial mask, is our authentic being.. The problem comes when we are dominated, subordinated and excessively adhered to that external layer that we have chiselled to survive in society.

To explain what the ego is, it might be easier to start exploring that part of us that is not the ego; that authentic being that pulls the strings of the ego. Have you never felt that light within you, that presence that has accompanied you since you were aware of yourself, of yourself and that is, in essence, you?

Sit up straight and close your eyes. Bring your attention to the center of your chest and breathe from there for a few seconds. Connect with you. Now imagine for a moment that you live in a different city, or even in another country. Imagine that instead of having the partner you have, you had another, or that you did not have a partner. Imagine that instead of having the children you have, you had others, or that you did not have children.. Imagine that instead of the profession you have, you had another, or that you had no profession. Would you still, however, be yourself or yourself?

Do not try to understand it or put words… just feel that presence; that light that is always there: whatever you do, wherever you live. If you can feel it, I congratulate you, you have experienced your essential Being.

according to the doctor Imma Nogués that essential Being, that inner passenger that accompanies us, guides us and inspires us, is also called by many the soul. Deep down, whatever we call it, when one experiences it, one realizes that it is human essence in its purest state, naked and devoid of disguises or attributes.

But of course… we cannot forget that we are human beings. We have a body. The body, also according to Dr. Imma Nogués, would be like the carriage; the place where that essential Being lives and that it has the personality, with the ego, to be able to manifest itself.

Therefore, from a spiritual perspective, the ego is necessary to be able to have this human experience, we need a carriage to travel through this material dimension that is the world that we see and that we perceive with some of our senses. So that our essential Being, the soul, needs a character, a suit to wear in order to be on this plane.

The most common, explains Nogués in his book The inner passenger it is that the personality (the ego) “is not sensitive to the subtle vibration of the soul.” In fact, we live with a high level of mismatch between our essence or soul and our character or ego. When this happens, the ego ceases to fulfill its purpose of being a vehicle for the soul and acquires a life of its own.. Many live believing that they are the ego, that they are the character!

And of course, when this happens, one lives permanently feeding his ego. Because that’s what the ego likes.

From this spiritual perspective, the ego is not rejected; what is rejected, in any case, is the attachment to the ego, the identification of the Being with the ego, because that entails going through this human experience ‘on tiptoes’, without experiencing the true meaning of life that has to do with the qualities of the soul: love, union, detachment, serenity, calm, joy, joy, connection, intuition and wisdom, among others… deep down, isn’t this what all human beings seek?

However, our way of life, the lack of habit or tools or spaces to connect with our essential Being, makes us live completely blind to it and limits us to live focused solely on the ego, that character that we are building as children and that, without the supervision of the soul, is conditioned only by material laws, read be accepted by the group in order to survive. Like it or not, this is what moves us in that earthly dimension. Being recognized by others has to do with our survival instinct, it is that simple. When we say that a person has a very big ego, we mean that they believe they are very important, very necessary, the one who knows the most about anything. Deep down, this person is looking for recognition from others in order to survive (to be accepted) because they are unable to give themselves that recognition: lives totally disconnected from its essential Being. Although it may seem otherwise, behind a very big ego there is always a very low self-esteem; a person who, by not valuing himself enough, desperately seeks others to do so.

Having a very big ego or having a lot of ego would mean, from this spiritual perspective, living only dealing with feeding the character, looking for the recognition, approval and love of others and living with our backs to our true essence, which is rather the opposite: to be a source of love.

The complete disconnection between the essential Being and the ego also generates a lot of suffering. That would be, always from this spiritual perspective, the origin of much of the psychological discomfort that we humans experience so much, such as that feeling of lack of meaning in our lives.

“When we begin to focus our attention on our internal Being, trying to express what is in agreement with it, an internal and external transformation and transmutation takes place in us”, points out Nogués. In summary, one begins to live more in coherence with who he really is; and that harmony generates well-being.

“That today my essence is manifested in everything I do: this is what I repeat every day when I get up” he once told me ismael santosformer professional basketball player, mindfulness expert, and book co-author Spiritual intelligence and sport. It is not therefore a question of killing the ego, but of trying to make the ego the manifestation of our essential Being and not just a place to deposit the recognition and approval of others.