javier martin (Madrid, 1972) was the most rebellious face of an already daring program, ‘Caiga quien caya’. With a self-confidence typical of his age (she was 24 when it aired), she got actors, singers and even kings to put on the mythical black glasses. She surrounded herself with celebrities, and he was one of them. But, as they say, television ‘kills’ you the moment you stop appearing on the screen. Although Martin was not the ‘silly box’ the one that almost ended his life. It was the year 2011, she was partying with her friends and he climbed the railing of his terrace to commit suicide.
It did not. she thought of her husband -its love, as he calls it—and made the decision not to. But something was not right in his life. She went to a psychiatrist and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That was more than ten years ago. He has gone through the psychiatrist twice, he has had long-term depressions and also moments of “elevation” (as he refers to the manic phases of this disorder). He now he has decided, just like angel martintell it all in a book, Bipolar and a lot of honor (Espasa, 2022).
[Trastorno bipolar: ni una única enfermedad ni un solo origen]
This testimony has given him a different ‘fame’. He appears on TV, he is interviewed in newspapers and on the radio, but not because of the success of having put black glasses on the king emeritus. He is not uncomfortable in this role. On the contrary, he believes that it is vitally important to give voice to a disease that has been diagnosed in some 300,000 Spaniardsalthough it is estimated that in Spain more than a million people suffer from bipolar disorder.
Are you still the happy flower of your group?
I’m quite a clown and I like to make others laugh, but there was a day when I realized that I needed to be funny. I don’t know if to get the love of others or their admiration. Now I am when I feel like being. Because in the end it’s exhausting when you do something just to please others.
Do you think that because he was the ‘funny guy’ his environment did not react in time to one of his psychotic outbreaks? Ángel Martín says that his friends thought it was a joke.
Sure, because being an extrovert has a lot to do with the first phase of hypomania, which is when the ‘highs’ begin. And my environment -according to whom- finds it very difficult to see at what moment I am beginning to rise. In this situation, you feel more communicative and more sociable, which is why it is often confused with my own way of being. And then when there are some who give the alarm signal, others say that they see me as very normal.
Why was depression more difficult to bear than elevation for those who accompanied you?
Depression is much easier because when you are in the hypomanic phase no one can control you and keeping up with you is more difficult. For example, you do and say very strange things. You also go around all night and go find out what you’ve done. Let’s just say it’s like being extroverted but in an uncontrollable way. On the other hand, in depression you need more the love of others, that they support you. And in the end it is that you do not move from the sofa, so it is easier for them to take care of you.
Javier Martín in a promotional image of the book.
Espasa
He tells his story with bipolar disorder in the book, for which he has already given several interviews and you also do it in talks about mental health. Do you have the feeling that you are reporting an illness that affects another person?
Sometimes I do have that feeling. Especially since now I’m very well. I’ve been four or five years without having any depression. Hypomanic phases occur once a year, and even this year I haven’t had any yet. So I see it as something very far away, as if it happened to someone else. But it is true that there are many days when I remember the moment when I was about to throw myself off the terrace and I got scared. Every time I look out on a terrace it reminds me of many moments from that day. Now I have a lot of vertigo.
Is that the only consequence you keep?
Yes, although I have left behind more serious consequences. However, there are also those that are positive. For example, now I give a value to life that I did not have before. Everything has become a miracle. Since that moment that I could not have been here, everything has become the miracle of life, as if there were nothing but gifts.
Why has going crazy been the best thing that has happened to him in his life?
I would say for two reasons. The first is that when I was in the hypomanic phase I saw a whole series of extrasensory, magical and spiritual elements that I have contributed to my daily life today. Somehow, for me everything that happened was real. And secondly, as I was saying before, after trying to kill myself and going through depression, I see being alive as a miracle.
What is the best moment you remember from that December 24 [día en el que tuvo su primer brote psicótico]?
The best? I would say the whole day was amazing. Maybe there was a special moment. When I felt like I was dying, I was sitting there (he points to the double-height living room of his house) and there came a time when I died. I left, I abandoned my body, what I heard, what I saw everything and I stayed in an empty space. It was a pleasant sensation because you feel that when you die you go to a space to another plane of reality in which you continue to exist. I started to cry.
I was partying and with friends. Didn’t anyone come over?
No. I don’t think they were aware of what was happening to me. Surely everything happened faster than I felt it. Yes, there were some people who looked at me strangely because I remember their looks. Although no one intervened. I suppose they would think that I had a fight with my husband or that he was angry for some other reason. At that time no one asked me anything, I understand that for discretion.
And the worst moment?
The worst, without a doubt, was when I climbed on that railing and was about to dive. Although it was the most terrifying moment, it was accompanied by weeks and weeks in which I was going through a lot of suffering. I repeat it to everyone a lot, I had the feeling that I was not able to get out of that situation. My only way out was to take my own life.
How did you get out of this situation without taking your own life?
First, with the help of the psychologist. She welcomed me from the first day and told me the most appropriate words so that I could stay alive another week: “Wait for me one more week.” Then the attention of the psychiatrist was also very helpful. The medication helped me a lot. And, of course, my family and friends, who supported me at all times. I was very lucky in this sense because my environment made it easier for me to get out of that situation.
Was it difficult for you to accept it at first?
The first time they told me the word bipolar disorder I was in a hypomanic state, so I didn’t care and I don’t even know what I thought. I also wanted them not to raise my dose and to stop taking the medication. It was like a constant struggle, but in the end I admitted that I had a chronic illness and that maybe I’ll be taking pills for the rest of my life. It doesn’t matter if you take ten milligrams of something than five. It is not a failure to raise the dose.
Why did he have such a good time the two times he was admitted to a psychiatric center?
Both times he was in a manic phase, so he talked to everyone. Yes, it is true that there were times when I scolded my husband for having locked me up there. But it passed me by when they left. He was delighted with life. He had the feeling that I was being analyzed because he was a human who had encountered a series of extrasensory elements.
In other elevations you have started to clean all the streets of Madrid. Do they follow any pattern?
No, although it is true that there is a lot of environmentalism. In general, heal humanity. I could feel all of humanity. And my relatives too. With some, I would take a photo of them and perform a ceremony to transmit all my energy to them. There are people with bipolar disorder who link it to the world of spirituality, to talking with dead people.
In your case, did spirituality come from before?
Yes, I have read all the books on this subject. I have always been a seeker of questions such as who we are, where we are going or where we come from. And thanks to having gone through bipolar disorder I have come to find my spirituality.
Have there been any episodes that you have reserved for family and friends, that you have not published in the book?
Yes, the sexual part. But out of respect for my parents.
What was your reaction?
They had a very bad time at many times. At first they tied me short. And sometimes they confused my good vibes with an episode of elevation. This confusion is normal. I try to avoid them. For example, when I get ‘elevated’ there are certain singers that I really like: Pablo Alborán, Luz Casal, Whitney Houston or Ana Belén. So what I did before my husband came home is to remove this type of music to avoid the mistake.
Are you afraid that they could happen again?
I am not afraid of depression. I am aware that when sadness arrives, I will ask for help and I will be able to go out as I have done on other occasions. Mania is somewhat more complicated. Although the last time I had an elevation I was able to perceive it on my own. This had never happened to me before. I realized because one of the clearest symptoms of the hypomania phase is that you stop sleeping.
Suddenly, you sleep for about three hours and you are as good as new when you wake up. That night I took a sleeping pill, and I went to the psychiatrist who put me on the medication. Because one of the stigmas of bipolarity is thinking that you are always manic or depressed. And it is not like that. Millions of people have a mental disorder and lead very stable lives.
Do you think that one day you will know the cause of your disorder?
Experts say that there is a genetic component to which the triggers are added. In my case, I am aware that I have triggered them with the use of alcohol and drugs that I have taken. Now, there are those who may have consumed the same thing that I have and do not have bipolar disorder. But drug abuse can lead to many mental problems. To this day, there are many people who have taken drugs and have mental health problems.