A few years ago, a trauma changed the course of my life forever. Barely born, my child almost died.
Despite a happy outcome, my relatively carefree and light-hearted life until then took a dark turn. Anxiety attacks, dissociation and creative paralysis became my daily life, plunging me into a malaise that devoured my little pleasures in life.
An aversion to addictive drugs
Like any self-respecting contemporary plagued by mental disorders, my first instinct was to seek a psychiatrist. A great gentleman with an intense look and a patient listening, practicing for a long time. With him, I could empty my bag. These weekly sessions relieved me a little but, to my great despair, blockages and anxieties quickly resumed their course as soon as I left her office.
When, after two years of consultations, my brave doctor offered me a prescription anxiolytic, I decided to cut our consultations short. With all due respect to patients who feel they benefit from this type of drug, the idea of depending on Valium, Temesta or other addictive benzodiazepines has always horrified me.
Psychedelics as a solution
In parallel with my psychiatric adventures, scientific articles of a new kind began to appear in the United States and in Switzerland, a country moreover presented as being the cradle of clinical studies on psychedelics in “Journey to the Edge of the Mind”mini-series based on the work of the illustrious journalist Michael Pollan and recently released on Netflix.
Based on numerous recent works, shrinks are getting up to speed with psychedelics, which must absolutely not be confused with other drugs on the black market, such as cocaine, heroin or even cannabis, to name only the best known.
Adequate dosages of molecules such as psilocybin (present in certain mushrooms), LSD or MDMA are now considered valid tools to combat chronic depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), various addictions, traumas or existential crises. For followers of these methods, all paths of discomfort lead to psychedelics.
Big downside for me: I did not stick to the criteria of the clinical studies. Because to live your trip in an authorized medical setting in Switzerland, you must be at the end of life, suffer from a fatal illness, be a long-time drug addict or have demonstrated resistance to the classic pharmacopoeia. And not be under any psychiatric drug treatment. In addition, these sessions almost always take place between four austere walls, far from nature and spaces more likely to contribute to relaxation, even the spiritual experience that some seek with these substances.
A few refusals later – from the University of Friborg and the Geneva University Hospitals, where several clinical trials are underway – I therefore resolved to look elsewhere. And so began my long and difficult quest for actors in the French-speaking part of the psychedelic counter-culture.
Illegal ceremonies
How to find the right “master of ceremonies”, avoiding the many charlatans who reign on this black market? How to distinguish a benevolent guide from a predator? In the hospital universe, the guarantee of a strict protocol exists, but what about the hidden face of this movement?
Reassuring fact: it was whispered in the community that more and more doctors were administering this kind of treatment to their patients “off the record”, bypassing the many administrative obstacles imposed by the Federal Office of Health.
And it was true – I saw it later. A handful of doctors do it in French-speaking Switzerland (I won’t give a name!). In the most absolute doctor-patient confidentiality, they organize long sessions sometimes lasting a whole day and then distribute the bill over several months, so that the insurance companies see nothing but fire. The fact that these doctors are risking their license for illegal treatment has only heightened my interest in these long-demonized substances.
One thing leading to another, I ended up with a therapist recommended by a psychologist friend. A trustworthy man, who had been training for years in the different facets of this controversial medicine. The protocol he advocates – like the majority of his counterparts – is simple: patients must establish intentions and observe dietary restrictions ahead of the ceremonies, which are always held in a benevolent setting and with a background of soft music. Most often in a group, but sometimes also one-on-one. In the event of a “bad trip” – which seems to happen quite often – the supervisors resort to reassuring words, free from any judgment on the origins of the hassle.
After two classic consultations at the office, an appointment is made for a first session in a reduced committee at home. So here I am “psychonaut”, a term used to refer to explorers of altered states of consciousness.
Making sense of drug ingestion?
Was the title psychonaut invented to gloss over dangerous and harmful behavior? The answer to this question remains mixed, mainly due to the lack of studies carried out over long periods of time.
Aren’t clinical trials just another commercial strategy of pharmaceutical multinationals? No, according to the dozen psychologists, psychiatrists and various therapists consulted for this series. They argue that this medicine is not profitable, because it heals effectively and in record time.
With these questions in mind, I walked into my first psychedelic session with great trepidation.
Skeptical about the benefits of these substances and marked by bad memories of certain substances consumed, when I was younger, in festive circles, I wondered if I really had the mental strength necessary for such a quest, at this moment so vulnerable to my existence? Nothing seemed less certain, and in any case, these experiments are not to be taken lightly, because they carry risks.
Over the coming episodes of this short Exploration, I will take you on a journey into the growing and varied universe of psychedelic therapies – group sessions with MDMA, microdoses of LSD or psylocin and tobacco purging. You will see that I more or less experienced the different rituals.
And to conclude, but in the more distant future, it will be the ultimate cognitive challenge, the one whose complicated name is whispered in a mixture of apprehension and fascination: the holy drink of ayahuasca. It is a mixture of plants from the Amazon whose active ingredient, DMT, is nicknamed “the molecule of God”, because of its mystical powers of connection with the cosmos. All on French-speaking soil.